Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Got my new pillows made yesterday, such an easy fix when your needing a change. I see some blue sky out there today, maybe that'll help my "blahs". I'm going to get my toe x-rayed this morning. It dosn't hurt as much but still can't put any pressure on it and it won't bend. Slow healer. Since I'm really struggling with my depression right now maybe that's what I'll talk about today. I don't know if mine is bad right now because of the weather, need a change in medicine , or I'm just depressed because I never feel well.(chronic fatigue). But, it seems to always be knocking at my door, sometimes more than others. It's something I live with. My mother didn't tell me til I was in my 30's that my biological father suffered from terrible depression. I think I started having depression in my late teens. I remember my family taking about Linda being in one of her "moods". My brother also suffered from terrible depression. Jim and I never realized I had "depression", we didn't know what my problem was. But, I remember when we finally decided we'd quit fighting it and when things were "good" they were good and when things were "bad" we'd muddle through. It was soon after that I got a strange call from someone at church asking me if I'd be interested in working for her during her maternity leave. I didn't know why she called me, I still had two little ones at home. But....I ended up doing it. She worked for a psychologist.
After reading charts of patients I realized I had the same symptoms as alot of them and that I had depression. Needless to say that was a great blessing, and has made a huge difference in our lives. Depression is very hereditary, and a few of my children suffer from it but, were lucky to live in a time where there is help available and no need to suffer. Medication dosn't make you on a high but it does put you on the same level as everyone else. And the later in life you wait to get treated the longer you'll have to be on something. I'll always need to be on something.well hope that wasn't too "depressing". It's an illness, something you live with, like heart disease. off to the dr.

1 comment:

  1. Ok my sweet friend. I know you've fought a truly hard battle, and you always come through it looking like an angel. I love to be around you, no matter what your "mood". Your spirit and your voice are so comforting to me - always. I love you dearly, and think of you often. God Bless You! Love, Candy